


The Shape in the Shadows

by UnafraidofToil



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempted self harm, Captured, Choices, Declarations Of Love, Distrust, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear, Healing, Hearing Voices, Internal Conflict, Learning to trust, Loss of Control, Mother-Son Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Prisoner of War, Secrets, Tags Are Hard, Trapped, Wounded, scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 09:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9995414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnafraidofToil/pseuds/UnafraidofToil
Summary: A sequel to The Face in the Mask





	1. Chapter 1

_“It’s going to be ok.”_

The voice shattered the noiseless void like a smashing mirror. Mila opened her mouth and inhaled so sharply it sounded like a scream. She fought for her breath as if she was drowning, desperate for the feeling of breathing to relieve the sensation of choking. But as she drew breath, the air felt like fuel to the fire that seemed to be raging across her chest.

There were hands pressing down on her. Had they come to finish her off? Mila tried to lift her hands to push them away. But she found no response from her arms. She used the precious air from her lungs to emit a scream. It was weak, like a kitten mewling for its mother’s teat.

“It’s ok!”

The voice came again from deep inside the darkness. But the hands continued their work. It felt as if her skin was being torn off. She felt her head loll to the side and she tried to open her eyes but the light was too painful. It stung and the brightness seemed to travel through her head like an ice pick. Another cry crossed her lips.

If they were trying to kill her , they were taking too long. She wouldn’t fight back.

“Please… just kill me.” Mila whispered. The words sound muffled and she could taste the coppery tang of blood on her tongue. Her lips felt tattered and bloody. She felt the figure over her lean down.

“What?” They asked. Their voice seemed breathless and confused.

Mila licked at the blood from her lips and shook her head so slightly. The movement made her feel sick. The pain was too much. She was beyond fighting for her life. She felt hot tears slid from her closed eyes. They trickled down the sides of her face, leaving hot trails of moisture behind them.

_Kylo just look at me now._

_Begging for a more merciful death._

_Have I disappointed you?_

“Please.” she repeated. “Just kill me.”

“I’m not going to do that. Lie still.” The voice sounded shaken still but there was an edge to it. It was as if they were trying to convince themselves as well as Mila that they had any idea of they were doing. “The blood’s frozen your clothes to your skin. I need to get it away so I can try to stop you from bleeding out.”

Images hit Mila one by one as the memories of what happened come crashing back to her in waves.

_White snow blowing across her face._

_The ice crystals biting at her cheeks._

_She was looking for him again._

_He needed her to find him._

_He was crying out for her with his mind, his voice reverberating around her._

_She reached her hand out…_

Then, oh GODS the pan!

Mila was brought back to the present in an instant, falling back into herself with the force of a speeder wreck.   

“I’m sorry!”  The voice shook. They had managed to peel what remained of Mila’s shirt away from her chest and she swallowed hard on the scream that threatened to erupt. The newly exposed chest wound burned. More sobs crossed her lips. She tried to open her eyes again.

At first the white lights burst in front of her eyes like flames, then the light fell into itself forming orbs and halos of white light floating in Mila’s line of vision. “This is what a newborn sees…” she thought through the haze of pain.  “We are all born so blind. Blind and helpless. How perfect I leave in the same state.”

She could see the profile of a person. They were bent over her. She watched the outline of their arms frantically unwrapping something from their arm. Vaguely, she watched as they gathered up the strip of material they’ve unwrapped and they leaned forward, bringing their face into Mila’s line of vision. Like a sun first peeking over the horizon, the face of her rescuer slowly came into focus.

Her face was a delicate square, with a sharp jawline that contradicted her dainty lips and pert nose. Her brows were knitted together in deep concentration. As much as she was trying to help Mila, her eyes betrayed her. Mila could see in them the edgy suspicion of someone who had spent enough time learning to tell a friend from a foe very quickly. Mila’s eye drank in her face, an odd feeling spreading through the pit of her stomach. She slid her hand under Mila’s shoulder, raising it slightly so she could slip one end of the makeshift bandage underneath. Mila winced in pain, a small gasp sharply hitting her lungs.

“I’m sorry. I am so so sorry about this.” She looped the strip around Mila’s shoulder and yanked the end tight, compressing the wound to her upper chest. Mila screamed out in pain, the sharpness of it felt like a bite from a vicious animal. “But I’ve got it.” She raised her hazel eyes to meet Mila’s.

“My name is Rey. You’re safe now.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ Mila _ .

 

She shifted. The bed beneath her was soft. She felt the sheets brush over her arms, perfectly stiffened with starch. She made to arch her back and stretch away the stiffness of muscles that had been lying idle, but she felt as if her chest was filled with splinters. She let out a small groan of pain and fell back flat.

 

_ You cannot be dead.  _

 

“True. “ Mila thought. “If I was dead I wouldn’t be in this much pain.” 

 

_ I can feel your heartbeat.  _

 

Mila ran her hand slowly up her side, she hissed in pain as the muscles in her shoulders strained to accommodate the movement. Mila laid her hand over her chest. The tell tale thumping was there. Yes. She was alive. She pressed her fingers into her skin and felt each beat. Mila shifted again. The pain was concentrated in her shoulders. It was a horrible sort of tightness, mixed with an awful sting. Mila raised her hands to her face, wincing only slightly as she pulled on the wound. 

 

_ Where are you?  _

_      Where are you, my Mila? _

 

She rubbed at her eyes and wearily opened them. She gazed up at a dimly lit ceiling. It slid back and forth out of focus. Mila squeezed and reopened her eyes, and the room came more clearly into view. There was nothing out of place about  the ceiling above her, although she did not recognize it. She drew a slow breath and lifted her head off the pillow. She looked down at her chest and her face crumpled. The blanket was folded down and tucked around her hips, so it made no additional pressure on the wounds that lay beneath. She could see the crisp, clean whiteness of bandages, starting beneath her armpits and they wound themselves all the way down to just above her navel. Her left shoulder was also wrapped. She could see the reddened edges of the skin poking out just above the top of the wrap just above her breasts. She ran her fingers over the tender skin and whimpered. 

“I must be in Medical.”  Mila fell back onto her pillow and let her eyes travel around the room. Her gaze paused when it gazed into the far corner and felt her heart begin to race. 

He lay on his back. Dressed in a simple white shroud. His face was serene, and had it not been for the blinks and blips of the machinery around him, Mila would have assumed him dead.    

It was FN-2187.

Panicked thoughts flooded Mila’s mind like a dam being opened. 

 

Why was he in Medical?  Why was  _ she  _ in Medical? She grasped at the fragments of thoughts that were flying around her like snowflakes. 

 

_ FN-2187.  _

_      A pilot.  _

_           An escape.  _

_ Shattered viewport.  _

_      People screaming.  _

_           People dying.  _

_ FN…..dying…. _

 

He was in the room when it happened! He was hurt in the explosion. Yes! Yes! That was it! The base was under attack and she needed to get back to work! Mila launched herself out of her bed,  but there was a ripping sensation that tore across her back. The pain of it sent her to the floor. She caught herself on the mattress and pulled herself shakily to her feet. She’d take care of herself later. Her patients were her priority. Slowly, Mila made her way down the length of her bed, she gripped at the iron foot bar, and reached one arm out to a small wheeled tray. She leaned on it, the wheels beneath it spinning out slightly under her weight. Mila limped across  the room,  one arm outstretched to him, she needed to check his vitals. She could not remember where he had been standing when the viewport had shattered….

“Miss!” 

There came a cry from behind her. Miss? No one called her ‘Miss’. No one except... the kitchen girl! The one who had been sent to help her! 

“There you are!” Mila snapped  “I need help in here! Where are the others? There were at least five on the bridge who were severely wounded! When the viewpoint was shattered there were at least two instant fatalities but the one’s who were living still need-”

“Miss. It’s not-”

“It’s over! It has to be! If it’s not then I need to get back there. I need to make sure wounded are evacuated-” Mila felt the table she was leaning on wobble before it collapsed beneath her, sending her to the floor. The table and its contents skitted across the floor in a great crash of noise. The wind was knocked from her immediately, which did nothing to stop the pain from blasting through her body. Mila’s mouth was wide with silent, gasping screams. She felt a warm hand slide under her neck and shoulder that was not wrapped in bandages, and they gently turned her over. Mila looked up at the person above her. It was not the kitchen girl. It was a much older woman, her short hair had strands of silver shining through the brown tresses. Her brow was knitted in effort over her brown eyes, her lips were pursed  as a long low “Shhh” come from them. 

“Come now. That’s a girl.” Mila felt herself being sat up, and she looked at the woman with confusion. She did not know her. 

“Who-Who are..you?” Mila gasped, still trying to regain her breath. The pain was ebbing back, moving across Mila in waves that threatened to pull her under.

“I am Doctor Kalonia. You should not be out of bed.”

“Doctor...Kal….I don’t….Doctor we need to get back on deck...there was an attack..the viewport was shattered and there were people screaming and...and….”

The low shushing had resumed. 

“Hush now. That’s a girl.” Kalonia pushed the damp hair off Mila’s face. “There is no attack. Not here. You are perfectly safe. All is well.”

Mila caught her hand and panting looked the woman over. She wore a simple linen shirt, under a rough looking brown vest. There was a silver pin on the left side. Mila stared at it. Her uniform was not First Order regulation. And her pin…..

“No.” Mila shook her head and dropped the hand. “No. No” she leaned back on her hands, and curled her legs away. 

Kalonia held her hands up, that shushing coming again. But Mila shook her head, she began to pull herself backwards, terror welling up inside her. 

She wasn’t on Starkiller at all. She was in the hands of the Resistance. The enemy. Mila grasped desperately at what she could. Her fingers closed around the leg of a bed and she used it to pull herself further away. But the woman began to move closer. Mila moved until her back hit a wall. 

“Please.” Kalonia said. Her gentle voice staying calm. She took another step closer. But Mila reached over to the fallen table and grabbed a blade. She held it out with a trembling hand. 

“Don’t come near me.” she warned in a horror stricken voice. 

Kalonia looked at her sadly, her hands falling to her sides.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” she intoned. But there was a great flurry of noise and movement to their left. 

About three or four people came skittering into the room.

“Doctor Kalonia! We heard some noise. Are you-” one man spoke before his eyes fell on Mila. the blade shining her her shaking hand. “What’s-”

But his words were cut off. Mila had tried to take the moment of distraction to launch herself off of the floor. She gave a small cry as she lashed out with the blade, so that Kalonia was forced to jump out of the way. Mila did not swing to hurt, but merely to give herself room to run past. 

“Hey. Hey!” There was a whirlwind of movement. Mila felt a hand close around her wrist, keeping her from swinging the blade. 

“No!” she sobbed, one firm squeeze and it fell to the floor with a clatter. Mila collapsed to the floor. She pulled herself against the wall again and looked at her captors with wild eyes. 

 

_ Resistance scrum.  _

 

But she would not die without a fight. Mila raised her hand. She caught the eyes of the man who had wrenched the blade from her. She pulled up within herself, summing the Force from deep inside. But there was nothing. 

“No…” she whispered. Mila curled her hand towards herself, and looked at her fingers. She flexed her hand again. Willing the man’s windpipe to crush. But it did not. The figures looked at one another. Mila lashed her other hand out. 

“Knock them over.” she thought desperately, “Choke them. Bring the walls down on them. Anything.  Please. Anything.” she tried again and again. But there was no feeling. No spark. 

It was gone. 

Mila brought her hands to her face, clutching it as if the Force was flowing from her mind like gas from a pipe.

Mila screamed. She screamed so loudly her throat ached. She did not even notice when a needle was stuck into her arm. She screamed until a dark haze overtook her and she was once again dragged into darkness. 


	3. Chapter 3

Mila slowly came to, greeted once again by the darkness behind her eyelids. She felt her heart start to hammer as she remembered where she was. She dared not move, as she struggled to keep her breath steady. For now unconsciousness was her only protection. There was panic starting to crawl into her throat as she strained to listen what was going on around her.  Mila had never imagined she would find herself in the heart of an enemy base and she did not know what to do. There had been some training back at the academy, but they had been told that the chances of Medics being taken as POW’s was slim. So the training had been brief, and Mila was fighting to recall the scarce info they had been given. 

The ambiance around her was relatively calm. She could still hear the blips of the stasis pod she had seen FN-2187 lying in. She could hear the distant rumble of voices and bustle. Were it not for who was making the noise, Mila would have been comforted by the gentle din of activity, a hopeful signal that all was as it should be. But not here. This entire base was an abomination. Mila should have been opening her eyes to the bustle of Starkiller...she should have awoken and had Kylo at her side….

Mila bit her lip at the thought. Kylo. Her Kylo. The last image of him was still as freshly burned into her brain as if she was about her open her eyes and see him lying there, broken and bloody. And him being carried away from her, his arm stretched back for her, his eyes wild and desperate.  The tears welled before she could stop them, prickling at her eyes and cascading down her temples. Mila went to wipe them away. 

But found she could not. 

Mila’s eyes shot open and she sat up as far as she could. There were cuffs on each of her wrists, keeping her secured on the bed. Mila gave them both firm shakes, a panicked whimper emitting from her lips. She shook her arms frantically, praying for any sign of give from either one. But there was none. “No...” she could feel another sob building its way up her throat. 

“It was quite a first impression you left on us, you know…”

The calm voice from beside her made Mila gasp. She started so badly, and moved as far to the right side of the bed as she could. Mila gazed at the woman who had spoken. It was not, as she had expected Doctor….Kalonia, had it been? But rather a woman of similar age. Her face was placid. Her greying hair was twisted elegantly atop her head, and she looked at Mila with a small curious smile on her face. She was dressed similar to how Doctor Kalonia had been, though her vest seemed to be of a finer, smoother material and it bore no silver pins. Nothing that would have caused Mila further panic. She looked back into the woman’s eyes and an odd feeling fell over her. The brown eyes seemed out of place on the woman’s aged face.  There was a shine of youthfulness in them, a fire that had not dulled by the years that had touched the rest of her. Mila wanted to blink, and break the warm spell she felt lulled into but found she could not. Mila could not speak. 

“I can let you out.” the woman nodded to the cuffs on Mila’s wrists. “On the condition we will not have a repeat performance the last time you woke up in this med bay.” 

Mila looked down, no longer able to take her gaze. 

“What do you say? Can I have your word?” 

Slowly. Mila nodded. 

The woman leaned forward and one by one unlatched the cuffs that bound Mila to the bed and they fell aside with small clicks. When the second cuff fell away, Mila rolled off the bed, and poised herself, ready to run. The sudden movement made the older woman fall back in her seat, but she continued to look at Mila with an unwavering gaze. Mila wanted to run. Everything inside of her was telling her to run. Everything she had been taught about the Resistance, she had expected to wake and find herself manacled to a wall, tormented and coerced by a filthy half breed.  She never imagined her captors would look like this Mila looked back at the woman and found herself unable to move. There was something in her eyes. Something from deep within them that made it impossible to want to fight. Mila did not know why. The conflict she felt made her feel like crying. She closed her eyes against the gaze and sank to her knees, hiding her face in her arms. Mila felt like a small child, hiding in plain sight hoping that if she could not see the woman, the woman would not be able to see her. 

“What is your name, girl?” it was not a harsh command. It was full of softness. A softness Mila had never heard. A gentleness...

Mila shifted her head slightly. Gazing up, so all she could see was the chest and arms of the woman, who had leaned forward in her chair. 

“Mila…” she whispered. She could not lie. 

“Mila” the woman whispered back, it somehow sounding sweeter coming from her lips. “Mila. That’s a lovely name.” 

Mila did not move.  

“Mila. Why don’t you come back on the bed? You are still recovering. I promised Doctor Kalnoia I would not  put too much stress on you, and we wouldn’t want her coming in here, now would we?” It was not a harsh command again and Mila felt compelled to obey. Slowly, she rose to her feet and slid herself back into the bed, leaning her back against the wall. 

“Mila…” the older woman shifted in her seat, seeming more at ease that Mila was seated again.  “I am General Organa. But for now...you can just call me Leia.” 

Mila bit her lip hard. So this was Organa. Mila had never been given a full breakdown of persons of interest, but still the big names were known to almost all who had trained at the Academy. Organa was a name often heard. In her mind’s eye, she had imagined a twisted, hateful woman. Face marred by hatred and war. A perfectly ugly face for a perfectly ugly cause. Mila felt embarrassed for this woman before her was so far from that. 

“Mila, can I ask you something?”

A small blossom of terror began to bloom in the pit of Mila’s stomach. 

“How did you find yourself on the planet formerly known as Starkiller?”

The question made the terror explode. Mila felt her eyes begin to well again. She could not answer. She could not bring this woman’s wrath about. 

“Let anyone else ask me. Please” Mila begged in her mind. Mila began to shift. She lifted a slow hand and pressed down on her chest with her fingertips. The pressure caused pain to spark. A sharp pain that Mila concentrated on, drawing her fear into pain, a far more manageable emotion. 

Leia saw the conflict appear on Mila’s face and watched with a small shiver as she applied pressure to her wounds.  Instinctively, Leia reached out her hand and placed it on Mila’s,forcing her to stop hurting herself. 

“I’m sorry.” Leia said softly. “Let’s start with something maybe a little simpler. Let me tell you what I do know.” Leia laid Mila’s hand softly back into her lap. 

Mila’s heart thudded. What did she know about her already?

“You were brought here by someone I trust very much. She found you and she could not leave you when she saw that you were alive. You were very badly hurt. It was a miracle you lived. Doctor Kalonia did not think you would make it through the night.”

Mila listened. She did not take her eyes off the hand Leia had held.  

“But you did. And then you woke up…” Leia sat back in her chair, and look out over the room, “Kalonia said it was as if you had woken up in the middle of a battle. She said you were desperate to get back to your patients. But then...Wexley...he was one of the people who had come in to see what the commotion was..he said that after he managed to get you to drop a surgical blade you attempted something...something that didn’t seem to work.”

Mila felt the cold terror lock itself around her heart. They had noticed. 

“Would you like to tell me what it is you were trying to do?”

Mila stared still at her hands. Was it possible for this woman...Leia...to already know the answer? Mila knew the legends. She knew the myths. But how much of it had been lost in retellings  she did not know. Mila had scarcely known herself. It was not until Kylo…

Mila closed her eyes again. Kylo. What was she doing? She was sitting inches away from the very founder of the Resistance! How could she just sit idly? Mila opened her eyes, and looked at Leia again. Her eyes found hers but immediately it was as if ice had met fire. Mila’s will to fight was placated immediately. 

“Mila. You can tell me.” Leia said in a calm voice. “Please. Tell me.”

The plea dissolved her last strength of resistance. 

“Sometimes.” Mila began slowly, “I get certain feelings. It started when I was young. Whispers...of knowing when death is coming. I can feel it. I can’t stop it from happening. But I know when it’s coming.” Mila touched her cheeks, “It darkens my vison, like a haze over everything.”

Leia’s eyes were focused, intently listening. 

“There’s more….sometimes I can make things happen. I can move things without touching them. I can...hurt people who try to hurt me..” Mila looked at Leia with frightened eyes. “But I can’t anymore. It...left me.”

“The Force never leaves you.” Leia said in a comforting voice and Mila felt her eyes widen. So she did know! What else did she know? Mila felt her panic start to rise up again. Did she know who Mila truly was? What other information would she try to pull from her? Kylo came to her mind again. She would not betray him She would not give them anymore.  Mila could not take Leia’s gaze anymore. She felt like a child again, and she pulled her knees to her chest. Confused and frightened, she hid her face once more.    
“Please.” Mila whimpered “Can I go to sleep?” 

Leia leaned forward and placed her hand softly on Mila’s head.  “Of course, child. I’m sorry. I truly did not mean to upset you.” 

Mila wanted to push herself into the woman’s arms. A crazy notion. She did not know where the urge came from. Mila squeezed her knees closer to her chest. 

“We can talk again later.”  and Leia left the room. 

Mila waited until she heard her footsteps fade completely before letting go of her knees and curling to a ball on her good side.  

“Kylo…” she whispered. “Kylo forgive me. I do not know what I am supposed to do. I need you. What am I supposed to do.’

 

_ Sleep. Just sleep now, my Mila.  _

  
And so she did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write. I loved Carrie Fisher so damn much. I called her my "Space Mom". It was a joy and a sadness to imagine and write her being so tender and so motherly. <3


End file.
